What my mind holds
Every time I look in the mirror I’m forced to see
every little dark thing that I did in my past
all those pills I took tryna numb the pain.
Wishing for everything to go away
never to come back again.
Crying myself to sleep every damn night
feeling suffocated like I just cant escape it
Cant escape myself or everything else.
So I downed alcohol, popped pills.
Lost myself in a game I couldn’t win.
My heart so dark.
My mind so clouded.
All I could feel was the blood run down my neck
drip onto the floor like a rain drop falling from the sky
on a cloudy day.
My rage was fueled by every little thing.
So angry; screaming, punching
hurting everyone around me.
Couldnt feel love for those that meant the world to me.
Felt so cold inside like I was dead.
Layed in bed for hours tryna comprehend everything that went through my head.
All those thoughts of them wanting me gone.
Telling me I would be better off
in a place that wasnt hell.
where I wouldnt feel all this hurt
where I could finally be happy.
And not be stuck in this never ending tunnel
with no light in sight
where I was left blinded to fend for myself.
All alone with just the devil on my shoulder
whispering in my ear telling me theres no where to go